Nostalgia of Sorts

WARNING: This post may not make any sense.

Last night, I had a dream I was back in Guatemala. However, instead of the dream being a new, fictional experience (if that makes sense), it was simply a memory. Instantly, I was back in 2008 at one of the many Guatemalan schools we visited. This particular one was in a cornfield. Have you ever had a dream where you knew it was a real memory, and you knew something important was going to happen within that memory, but you couldn't remember what was going to happen next? (If that previous sentence made any sense to you...you are awesome.) That's basically what was happening to me. We had been driving for a good 45 minutes before we pulled off the road and parked beside a cornfield. After a few moments of confusion, we finally realized that there was a school there...in the middle of the cornfield. Once we made it to the middle, the only structure that we could see was a little shack with a metal roof. The kids had all pulled their desk chairs out of the shack so they could watch us perform dramas. They all seemed so happy and upbeat - completely the opposite of what you would originally think after seeing their conditions. During the dramas, they were all so intently focused on every single move we made. When we finished, the missions team split up into our little groups...and then we went around to talk to the kids. This is when (in my dream) I remembered what was going to happen next. My group went up to a group of three smiling children. After the introductions, we asked them if they had asked Jesus in their hearts. After they said no, we continued to lead them in prayer...then they accepted Jesus! Before we left, I asked them if they needed prayer for anything. One little boy said that his hand was hurting...so we prayed. The little girl said she had a stomachache...so we prayed. However, when we got to the last little boy, he asked if we could pray for his parents to come back and love him again. Apparently, his parents had left when he was a toddler...and he just wanted them to come get him. This was the first time I cried in Guatemala. It was at that moment when I saw how much we really take things for granted. These children were so happy - despite the fact that they had nothing. They were so thankful for every little thing that they had. And yet we are so quick to complain about little things that go wrong in our day to day lives?

Oh goodness.

I miss those kids so much. I wish I could have brought them all home with me.
It really makes me wonder what they're all doing right this very second. Just because I left does not mean that their lives were put on pause (I definitely found this out when I went back to Texas this past summer...how in the world do people grow up SO fast?).

I guess I'll find out someday.

From my trip to Guatemala in the summer of 2009.

Oh goodness. I miss them all.

Stargazing

My friend Sarah and I have recently made a tradition of stargazing. Whether it's on a sidewalk in a shopping center, or in the backyard on a freezing October night - it's equally as fun. Sometimes, staring at the stars for so long is scary. This universe is ginormous, it's hard to believe that we're actually living in it. Each star is in its own place. Each little detail is so beautifully planned out. As we were stargazing, I happened to think of a verse.

"He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name." -Psalms 147:4 (NLT)

I couldn't help but smile.

There are so many stars - we can't even see them all - but God calls them each by their own name. Have you ever just stepped back and taken a look at life? We all have separate lives. We all take different paths. We all live out our own adventures each day. And yet, the sky stays there, the same as it has always been. Each star with its own name and place. In the same way, we have all been named. Not just in the literal sense, but in the sense that we all have a plan for our life that's just waiting to be lived out!

Needless to say, I'm pretty floored at the moment.

Take some time to stargaze tonight. You won't regret it.

(Unless it's raining. Then you might possibly regret it a bit.)

Indoor Roller Coaster.

Have you ever felt like there's no right answer? That's kind of the way I'm feeling right now. At the moment, I'm in the season of college applications and exploration. There are so many options to choose from when it comes to college. Honestly, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Although most people jump to photography when they ask what I want to do, I just cannot see myself being happy with just running a photography business. Yes, I like photography, but I do not want to be forced to do it as a job.

This is where I'm stuck.

What do I do? Do I go to a college where I know I'll be successful...but unhappy? Or a college where I'll be happy, but I'll have no idea what I'm doing? Obviously, I'm going to go with the happy option.

Next question. What truly makes me happy? This is the one question I've been struggling with. What do I love to do that I could translate into a business/ career option? If only we could all become musicians and tour the world. That would be fantastic.

So many choices. So little time.
Application due dates are quickly approaching.
It kind of feels like I'm on one of those indoor roller coasters where it's completely dark.
I know I'm on a roller coaster (aka - applying for colleges), but I have no idea where I'm going.
God has an adventure planned...I can hardly wait to see what happens next.

(end scatter-brained blog).

Darling, so it goes...

Tonight, I've been looking through old photo albums on facebook. Reminiscing over past memories really made me see how much change and growth I've gone through in the past few years.

Summer 2008
This is honestly my favorite picture. Ever. It was taken at the last school we visited while in Guatemala. These kids had very little, but were so thankful for what they had. Their hearts were so open to anything and everything. They had so little, but they made up for it in love. It goes on to prove just how much love is needed in this world. For some, it's all they have. And yet, they remain happy. I always smile when I think of these kids. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them and pray for them. Before I went to Guatemala, I was always told it would change my life. Honestly, I didn't see how until about a month or two after I got home. The two weeks we spent in Xela went by so fast that I couldn't quite process it. Things still will randomly remind me of the trip, and I can't help but thank God for the experience I had. I love these kids and I always will.

Summer 2009
This was taken last year in Guatemala. Once again, it was one of our last nights. I absolutely love these people. Over the process of that week, I gained a new family. This year, instead of staying on the ministry campus like we had the previous year, we went to a small town a few hours away from that main campus. During the three days we were there, we stayed at a small church that had opened their doors to let us stay. The common area where we ate and met didn't even have a roof. In fact, the area wasn't secure hardly at all. We discovered this when we awoke to a stray dog peeking in to where we were sleeping. It was quite a confusing way to wake up. Because of the swine flu, we were not able to visit schools due to them being shut down. So instead of going to different schools and doing dramas, we went to public parks. This was a very different atmosphere. Because we were working with children as well as adults, not everyone was so accepting to the beliefs we were sharing. But regardless of that fact, so many lives were changed. Including mine.

Summer 2010
Although this picture does not exactly show anything super exciting, it kind of describes a small part of my life at the moment. This picture was taken on saturday at UNCG. Although I don't want to attend UNCG next fall, it does (in a way) represent a bit of change going on in my life. One of my dear friends (Sarah) just started going there. It's been a definite change, but it's also opened my eyes to the fact that I'll be in college in less than a year. College has always been one of those things that has seemed to be way off in my future. In reality (a place I'm not too fond of sometimes), it's not. I'm going to be becoming my own person. I will no longer live under my parents roof. I will, essentally, be free.
Very strange.

With that being said, I'm excited about my future. To see where God has taken me in the past few years, makes me wonder where I'll be this time next year.

I'm excited for this grand adventure.

"Here's your challenge..."

Tonight, I visited a youth group run by old teammates from Guatemala.
For praise and worship, they just played music off of CD's and lowered the lights. At first, I thought it might be awkward. I was proven wrong.

Instantly, quite a few of the youth entered into worship and the whole feel of the room changed. I felt more into worship with just those CD's playing than I have with a whole band playing.

Recently, I've been praying about God giving me new challenges. Little did I know, I would get a pretty good one tonight. First off, I'm praising God and just having a fantastic time in his presence. Then I hear a little voice say, "are you ready?"

Next thing I know, I'm stepping up on stage with a microphone.
I honestly still have no idea how I got from just praising God, to being up on stage. Then, I heard an almost audible voice say, "here's your challenge".

Without hesitation, I started saying everything God had put on my heart. I preached to a youth group for about 5 minutes. I was more in my element than I have been in years.

Where did it all come from? Definitely not my brain. If you've ever talked to me in person, you know that I stutter quite a bit (or talk really fast). Did I stutter up on stage? Not a bit.

It was all God. This is all still processing, but I thought I would share a little taste of my night!

The Cliche.

The rain today made my day way beyond cliche. You know how you always laugh when it rains when something sad happens in movies? It's always expected. Well what happened today isn't necessarily sad, but it was a new step in the direction of growing up.

Holy chocolate chip cookies.

My lovely friend Sarah left for college today. As we said goodbye, it started to rain. Are you kidding me? Not only am I realizing I won't have a friend who lives near me (which is the only thing that kept me sane last school year), but one of my closest friends will be 3 hours away. Huzzah!

I thought I had realized this a few months ago, but it didn't really hit me until about 30 minutes after we said bye. Very strange. Another thing I realized at that moment was that in 357 days, I'll be doing the exact same thing. I will be on my way to Tulsa, Oklahoma with my whole life packed in my car. This thought seemed so far away - until now. Mom told me this morning to make a box and label it "college things" so I can start picking things for my dorm room. My dorm room. In less than one year, I will no longer be living with my parents. ONE YEAR. Where has the time gone?

Eh. I'm sure just about everyone in the world is writing a post like this right now. So many people are in my exact situation.

This is all so strange.